Stopped in my tracks.

Jan 19, 2018

So you probably haven’t noticed since I have like 3 blog readers, but I’ve been MIA lately – from my blog, from my Instagram, from my creative outlets. I keep feeling lately like all I have time for is my paying work, which is frustrating since the whole reason I started out on this journey was to make more room for the art that makes me happy. However, I think this is just an excuse I’ve been telling myself. I absolutely have time for the things I would like to do; the trouble is getting myself to do them.

“Imposter syndrome” is a phrase thrown around the freelance world quite a bit, but that doesn’t make it any less true. This is Thought One that keeps me from doing the creative work I want to do. It’s the “Why do I think I can even do this? Why would anyone pay me to do this? What if they’re disappointed and find out that I have no idea what I’m doing?” Not awesome. And not true. But it feels true.

Thought Two is the dreaded procrastination monster. The “I’ll start right after this episode.” Or even “I’ll start when I finish learning all I can about whatever I want to start.” I’m extremely guilty of this in pretty much all aspects of my life. Go to yoga? Maybe after I nap. Switch the dishes in the dishwasher? When my show is done. Sheesh, I’m so tired of this one.

Finally, Thought Three is one that is probably the worst. This one is the existential crisis. “What’s the point of my work when so-and-so does it so much better?” “Is there room for me in an industry that already seems overrun by artists who are so much more talented than I am?”

You probably thought you’d find an answer or solution at the end of this blog post, but I’m just as lost in the woods as you are. If you have a solution to your own creative inner demons, I’d love to hear it.

Sidenote: I’m in the process of moving this entire website to a new platform, which might account for some of the thoughts above.

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